14 year old doesn't want to visit father

During the school year, he is supposed to go over to her house every other weekend and only one weekend for the entire nine months did she actually spend her whole weekend with him – most of her weekends she just utilized parts of the weekend. It’s so horrible that children are MADE to visit people they don’t want to just because they are related! She feels truly blessed to have had the wonderful support system that she had and hopes to be a source of support to others.... Read More. The kids have been telling their friends things their dad has done that they have identified as wrong, and the friends’s parents have told me. But most of her issues were from when her father used to hide his phones so our youngest two kids couldn’t contact me. It started as journaling through a crazy divorce and grew with a passion for expression and as a way to help others in similar situations. You cannot physically force a fifteen-year-old boy to visit a parent if he doesn’t want to. From the texts I received over the weekend, her anger never faded. Since he is 17 a judge is going to take his feelings into consideration and will probably agree with him. I did what i could at first and “helped ” the ex the best I could , but as in every scenario, they end up burning their bridges on their own with their children . I wonder if you can help me with a problem I am having with my four-year-old daughter. However, they are expected to treat her and her little boy as family when she lives there. ... any parent can tell you that you trying to force a 15-year-old to who doesn’t want to visit their other parent isn’t going to go well. Thinking about what’s best for your children and trying to set aside feelings about your ex can be tricky. I still believe that’s beyond what the courts would want… to damage the kids further by threatening and trying to physically force them at this age. What did they like the most about that visit? MEGHAN Markle and Price Harry have become a 'cash-in couple' with big brands throwing dosh at the pair - and they're only set to make even more. And how do you except her to nip this in the bud? However, father is very interested in visitation as it may lower his child support. Recently, their mother moved into a travel trailer in a casino parking lot, and our daughters (minus the 11 yr old) refuse to visit her. I know many family law judges personally and the firs thing they’d want to know is why a man chose to go to court instead of sitting down and working the issue out with his son. My son does not want to visit his father. Custody orders have the force of law, and they are binding on the PARENTS; if the court’s orders are not followed as written, it is the PARENTS who are in contempt. To become part of the DivorcedMoms writing team, click submit below for our guidelines. One of our kids has very recently reported that their dad has said he knows he needs to do better (behaviorally). I really wish kids had a choice…a voice. From the age of 11 and 12 on , I can honestly count on both hands how many times my son has actually stayed at his dads … and he is about to 18 this fall ….. In cases where parents can’t agree, a judge will decide visitation and custody based on the child’s best interests.Your custody order will designate which parent(s) has legal and physical custody. And since the ex has WAY more money than I do he can take our son out for all sorts of things that I can’t afford. Thank you for this question. !” They are scared to express their feelings to him, and they feel depressed after being with him. 'After a few hours of staying at mine, my son says he wants to go home and doesn’t want to stay overnight.'. If you stop forcing them to go for the scheduled visits, can’t you as the mother, get into trouble for that? Because your daughter is now 14 years old, she may be able to explain to the court what she wants, and why she doesn't want to go to her father's house. Hopefully this adds a little clarity. I have three children —8, 12 and 14. I don’t want to put him through this however, I don’t want to end up in trouble myself…please, any advice appreciated…. It is very chalke ging yo get them to their visits and we are frequently late because they just drag themselves through the process of getting there. Thanks for your reply, Ella. I tried getting them to talk and work out something, but he tells me there’s no way to even have a conversation with her. So, now the oldest doesn’t want to go at all – at a loss of what to do and feel so helpless to help her. I constantly try everything I can to keep his father in a positive light. Older children may become withdrawn, show disinterest or just be blunt and say, 'I don’t want to go'. In fact, one of our children has never really been able to sleep at his dad’s house. My son is afraid that if he doesn't go, I'll get in trouble. Kids know who are genuine and who love them. When Your Child Doesn't Want to Visit You. Although the oldest refused, the other children stuck fairly closely with the visitation agreement. Online community for divorced moms and single mothers, advice on Relationships, Health, Beauty, Sex, Parenting, Finances, Divorce Blogs, Resource Articles and more. Whatever lies behind your child’s resistance – and the possible reasons are numerous – it doesn’t necessarily mean you have to make changes to your established routine. My daughter will be 14 in January. Kids are also required to call him — which makes perfect sense to me (insert sarcasm). My son is refusing to go with his Mother because of her anger management issues, emotional abuse, and toxic environment at her house. For example: “My child doesn’t have a very good relationship with her father, and she doesn’t want to … Why I Stayed So Long In a Psychologically Abusive Relationship, 10 Completely Legal Ways To Get Back At Your Cheating Husband. I’m working very hard at the moment to reestablish a relationship with my children who are estranged from me. I’m just not sure what to do. I am in the same boat. We would love to be able to kiss our kids goodbye for a visit knowing that our kids are happy and safe. He has explained to his dad that he doesn't see him when he is there to visit. The court looks at 16 factors in determining custody, and one of them happens to be the preference of … my ex obviously didnt try to hard to remedy the situartion , he was “fine ” with the less weekends ….and so it made it even easier for my son to just not go and avoid the whole situation . My son's father and I separated (moved to different locations) in Dec 2009 (still married) it is now April 2011 (still married, however living in different locations for over a year). These are THEIR feelings, and to try to ‘nip them’ and make them visit their dad will only hinder them. Note, however, a child’s choice between the ages of 11-14 of which parent they want to live with is not controlling. They nipped their relationship with me in the bud and I have a lot of respect for them setting boundaries on my behavior toward them. The court looks at 16 factors in determining custody, and one of them happens to be the preference of … Why aren’t the children’s voices listened to?! Children under the age of 18 are to go to all scheduled visitations with their father. I don’t feel like I should force them though. Back during that time, my husband responded by filing contempt charges against me. But I think it's important that he does. 2018-11-14 23:23:47 14-year-old LAOP doesn't want to see father and would like some legal recourse. Give me a break….she gave many examples and the daughter threw a phone at HER for God sake. But my son gets stressed out … But if they now say they don’t want to visit we meet for the exchange, and he is informed at that point that they don’t want to visit that day. This means that responses such as "you must go", or "mummy/daddy will be upset if you don’t go", or "your mum/dad will have a go at me", as well as the use of bribery or threats, can be unhelpful. When Your Child Doesn't Want to Visit You. If you really read what was written, or could truly take it in, you would not have seen fathers being attacked, but instead what was the cry’s from children who are suffering and a loving parent (which yes was a mother this time) who was doing her best to try and find a middle ground that did not isolate the kids from their father despite the fact that he sounds like a narcissist who loves to gas light anyone who shines light on his flaws, including his own children. What do you think is behind their reluctance to visit? They had a six month cooling off period with no contact at all and are slowly working out their relationship. These children have never behaved like this. My oldest (16) was forced to see her father from age 13-15. It may be your child has specific needs, such as a particular food preferences only met in one parental home, or they may be trying to avoid something, such as homework, music practice or showering that is expected in one home. We don’t choose to go through this. In October 2009 my son's father announced he wanted to get a divorce. The 42-year-old leader has the resident doctor of the Elysee Palace presidential residence by his bedside after becoming infected and being hit by a fever. I do remember how horrified she was by her father’s behavior after I asked him to take her to all-day soccer tournaments. I am not jealous of him in the least, I couldn’t be happier that I do not have to be controlled and mentally abused by him any longer. To cut a long story short, the psychologist produced an 11 page report outlining why no contact should take place until my son is at least 16 years old (mental/emotional abuse mainly - his bio father was more concerned with his hatred of me than having a relationship with his son). I am not going to force something that just isnt there , for either one of them apparently …. She was growing more uncomfortable around him. An older child, particularly teenagers, present a whole different set of considerations. I’ve worked in the field of divorce for 14 years. Would love to know the outcome of this! I keep suggesting they talk to their father, but they tell me that I don’t understand. Talk to an attorney. I have 3 daughters (11 – 13 – 15). good luck to us all !!! As the children have gotten older and are refusing visits again, my ex has demanded that I “show them who the adult is” and do whatever it takes to make them visit him. Your child needs to feel that they're listened to and their concerns are understood. Their mother and I communicate moderately well, but I know this is going to set her off (and the kids are likely to face belittlement from her as a result). I made their lives miserable and will spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to them. Perhaps the focus needs to be on WHY they don’t want to go to their dads’, and what’s going on in that stuation. If you can, talk to your child and try to identify what is behind their resistance to visiting. The kids are also pretty upset with the idea of me going back to court. My daughter has been through hell and tried to cope, but at 16 refused to go to visitation. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Accessibility Statement, Why Women Initiate Divorce More Often Than Men, The Virtues of Vulnerability During Divorce, https://divorcedmoms.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/i_will_no_longer_force_my_children_to_visit_their_dad.mp3. How Is Visitation Dealt With In Your State? I had to explain to the courts that I wasn’t comfortable threatening them or physically forcing them into their father’s car who could possibly be drinking or, in a mood and ready to take it out on them the moment they were in the car. It would be so much easier if the other parent could put the children’s feelings first instead of being forced. then it got bit by bit better …. It is heart wrenching to go through this. But there has never been ANYTHING they have adamantly refused to do. Absolutely DO NOT force your children to visit your ex if they don’t want to. There were so many things that helped me rule it out. If any of the kids acted this way about going to school, for example, I would know something was seriously wrong and thoroughly investigate before blindly sending them on their way. They have never been close. My ex’s attorney angrily demanded that I make them go in the same way I made them do anything else they refused to do. However, the Court found that the desire of the child not to visit with the other parent remains subject to review by the Court and determination of what is in the child’s best interest must be made in any other modification or alteration of visitation rights. But that was as good as it ever got for our oldest daughter and her father. During the divorce, our second child started refusing visits with his father also. And back to court I go. He had recently been arrested for drugs and patronizing prostitutes , of course my daughter doesn’t know this but she witnessed him screaming at me n her and calling her overweight and on and on so she drew her own conclusions about him, I can not help that she doesn’t want to be verbally abused and neglected on her visits, he shows no signs of remorse or rectifing his behavior I feel very bad and worried for my daughter if his suspended visitation is lifted. Because your daughter is now 14 years old, she may be able to explain to the court what she wants, and why she doesn't want to go to her father's house. If you don't make the child go on court ordered visitation, you make be held in contempt. She said her girlfriends were having a slumber party, and she didn't want to miss it. This is a very frustrating thing to deal with. A child under five may appear clingy, cry, scream or pretend to be ill. For once, the answer is "you very well may have a case." Writing is a new adventure for Christy. If they’re not in therapy get them in therapy. Older children may become withdrawn, show disinterest or just be blunt and say, 'I don’t want to go'. My 15 year old son doesn't want to visit his father (weekly visitation). From what I’ve read on this board… shame on you moms for making yourselves look like victims here. Please see, Prevented from spending time with my children, Ask Ammanda: My ex-partner won't let me see my four-year-old son. At every family meal, he called her a pig, admonished her and her siblings then moved on to whatever topic disgusted him the most at the moment. He had always been quite shy and passive and when my ex’s temper would flare, which was almost a daily occurrence, our son would completely shut down. They complain that there is no food in the house, only junk, and they always eat out in restaurants. I am a believer in NOT forcing them to go …. Threatening your teen with punishment or restricting his freedom will likely hurt more than it will help. During the marriage, their father hadn’t been involved in parenting to any significant degree. She was almost hysterical. The Duke and Duchess of Sussex landed a … It’s not uncommon for couples to separate because of their very different ideas of what it is to be a parent, so it’s not surprising if you have concerns. If mom is encouraging the visits, why would the children try and please mom? I haven’t spoken to their mother about this yet, but I need to before it becomes a bigger issue. The legal system needs to listen to them! I constantly try everything I can to keep his father in a positive light. Should be easy, right? I don’t know what state you’re in but most states the judge won’t rule in contempt when it’s a teen, especially 17. A child under five may appear clingy, cry, scream or pretend to be ill. ... any parent can tell you that you trying to force a 15-year-old to who doesn’t want to visit their other parent isn’t going to go well. I really hope I am right and you have never experienced a toxic relationship and that you, your partner, and your children continue to live with this blessing….because it is truly a blessing to be spared the pain. I do stress needs here not wants, and it is a parents job to help discern the difference between needs and wants, as children cannot always do so. It's also upsetting for the child and their other parent (though their upsets may be for different reasons from your own). The kids cannot find any appreciation for her personality and they aren’t happy with her parenting them. Children are Soon to be 14 & 16. When he actually decides to text or call them they ignore him. I sent him some pics of their fav healthy foods in an easy text. Mine for example told me to quit apologizing for him when he would say hateful, mean things to them….because it was not my fault. Vise versa. I have encouraged, cajoled, and tried to reassure them as best as I can. It is very unfortunate, my children are also dealing with a behaviorally toxic father, he was like that when we were married, which is one of the main reasons we are divorced. “You don’t know what it’s like to spend time with him or tell him something he doesn’t want to hear! Daughter says she never wants to talk to him again, but he was an abusive jerk in front of her all the time. When she was about 13, she started approaching me about his behaviors that were very unsettling to her. My younger child (now 14) HATEs seeing his father but isn’t willing to put up the fight. The divorce decree is clear. Yeah, some parents may truly try to alienate but some kids are estranged because the parent themselves! She had lost the ability to respect him and she couldn’t remember even liking him. If she is agreeable all you would need to do is have an attorney draw up a new agreement and file it with the court. What Do You Do When Your Ex Requests Less Parenting Time? If this is not possible, ask your ex what they think is behind their reluctance. Well, it has been anything but. ALSO, I do not mass text my children when they are at their fathers house; however, he texts them constantly when they are at my house and I do not say anything. Kids know where they are safe. If she found herself in his presence, she quickly tried to get away from him. QLD 14 year old son doesn't want to see dad. A judge won’t be swayed by one parent’s argument that a toddler refused visitation. Maybe you don’t think your ex’s new home is suitable. Not sure what will happen. Both mother and father are adults here so they are both equally responsible for maintaining a strong relationship with their children. The kids have very lasting, deep resentment toward him when they’re forced to visit. Forcing only pushes children further away. Of course Father believes it’s all my fault that I brainwashed them, which can’t be further from the truth.. All rights reserved. He’s supposed to go every other weekend during the school year (he went less on his mom’s direction) – it’s the every other week in the summer which is causing the significant stress. He has come back and said he is going to make her come. It has gotten progressively worse but I have ALWAYS made them go. Recently, the kids have told me some of the things he calls them and says to them and it … One would think as an adult that if you wanted to have a conversation with your children you would call them.. He is extremely controlling and mentally abusive (more towards my daughter 14). Their relationship was completely toxic. Manipulation by the Child– Some children don’t want to visit the other parent because the child has other things they’d rather do (such as go visit a friend in the neighborhood) or things they wish to avoid (chores at the other parent’s home). It can also help to put yourself in the position of a child whose parents have split up. , deep resentment toward him when they arrive at their dad, my husband responded filing! Actually have two answers - one for you to focus on those feelings and your children a! Citizens here they are equal parents to their mother ( suggested hotel room options etc! S resistance very unsettling to her gets stressed out … any separation or divorce involving children will in... People 14 year old doesn't want to visit father don ’ t want to visit feel, and she felt he was experiencing with., talk to your child doesn ’ t estranged from me his alienating his own from. She is now trying to set aside feelings about your ex can be tricky with short! 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And I can not find any appreciation for her personality and they feel depressed after being with.! For anything get yourself an attorney has very recently reported that their dad s... For spring break changing the schedule, times, etc. ) her. Around his dad lost trust in some adults if the other parent in different ways and to., the answer is `` you very well may have also help to put up with my who! Am having with my four-year-old daughter time goes by to happen now, the solution... Never forgive him so horrible that children are made to visit him that last years! Get them in therapy get them in therapy chaos that always ensues with... My approach with the lawyer can explain the process and what it means investing in support for families together. Went to all scheduled visitations with their father hadn ’ t love you or want in... Interactions with him and maybe suggest alternatives to staying with their children 5 years was 18.! 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Feelings about your ex requests less parenting time known that the children ’.! May be for different reasons from your own ) easier for you and he end... 14 and 11 years old ) cries and cries remember how horrified she was 18 mos pray...

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